Men's health: Why Men Put Off Going to the Doctor

By Dr Mick Watts MBBS MRCGP

(Dr Mick Watts is a GP in Windsor with a particular interest in men’s health, healthy ageing and lifestyle medicine.)

My aim with these blogs is to explore men’s health in a way that is useful not only to men, but also to the people who live with them, love them, work with them and care for them.

The way men respond to health and wellbeing is often shaped by our maleness. Not just by biology, but by the expectations we absorb from childhood onwards. We are taught, sometimes openly and sometimes quietly, how a man is supposed to behave. We learn what is admired, what is mocked, what is tolerated and what is treated as weakness.

Those lessons follow us from the playground into the consulting room. Or, more often, they keep us out of it.

In recent years, there has rightly been much more public attention on women’s health. Menopause, endometriosis, postnatal depression and other conditions have been under recognised, under discussed and under treated for far too long. There is still much to be done.

Men’s health has not had the same sustained public conversation. We talk about prostate cancer during Movember. We occasionally discuss male suicide. But we rarely ask the deeper question:

Why do so many men delay asking for help?

I first became seriously interested in that question in the early 1990s.

During one particularly enlightened period, the NHS paid GPs in England to run health promotion clinics. I know. It sounds almost radical now.

I was a young GP, just thirty years old, and I decided to send birthday cards to men on their fortieth birthdays inviting them in for a health check. At the time, forty seemed to me like an age at which men were starting to get on a bit. Looking back now, that makes me smile.

The choice was partly random, but the results were extraordinary.

I met men who had not been to the doctor since their mother last took them. I met men whose fathers had died in their fifties and who were beginning, quietly, to worry about their own mortality. I met men who were burned out, in pain, drinking too much, sleeping badly, anxious, depressed, overweight, frightened, or simply unsure what was normal anymore.

Some of the relationships established in those clinics became among the most enduring of my career.

Even then, I was acutely aware that I saw men much less often than women. When men did attend, they were often sicker. Women would more commonly come in just in case something was important.

Men often came in when something had already become impossible to ignore. And quite often, the consultation had not really been initiated by the man at all.

His partner would sit beside him and say, “I had to come in with him, Dr Watts, otherwise I don’t think he would tell you what has been happening.”

At the time I wondered why this happened so often. I understand it better now.

Like me, they were men.

And many of us had learned the same rule.

We just do not go to the doctor.

So why do so many men ignore potentially serious symptoms?

My experience, reading and research suggest that society pressures men to develop certain character traits in a quiet, insidious and powerful way. As boys grow up, they often learn that a successful man is expected to be tough, driven, controlled, resilient, self-reliant and emotionally contained.

Some men naturally fit that model. Many do not.

But we cannot simply grow a different personality on demand. What we can do is bend ourselves under pressure. We try to become what we think a man is supposed to be, even when it does not quite fit who we really are.

That is exhausting.

It also has consequences for health.

Most men know when something is not quite right.

They notice the change in their body. They feel the tiredness. They register the chest tightness, the change in passing urine, the lump, the low mood, the loss of confidence, the poor sleep, the weight creeping up, or the sense that they are not quite themselves.

Then many do something very human.

They wait.

They wait to see if it settles. They wait until work is less busy. They wait until after the holiday, after the project, after Christmas, after the next thing. They tell themselves they do not want to waste anyone’s time. They tell themselves it is probably nothing.

Sometimes they are right.

Sometimes they are not.

This is not because men are foolish. It is not because men do not care about their health. In my experience, most men care deeply. They care about staying well enough to work, provide, parent, support, exercise, travel, enjoy life and remain independent.

The problem is that many of us have been taught, directly or indirectly, that asking for help is something to do only when every other option has failed.

That is a dangerous lesson.

A lot of men grow up with a quiet code.

Do not make a fuss. Do not complain. Cope. Push through. Keep going. Other people have it worse.

These ideas can be useful in some parts of life. They can build resilience, discipline and steadiness. But they become a problem when they stop a man from saying, “Something is wrong and I need to get this checked.”

There is also fear.

Men may not always call it that, but it is often there. Fear of bad news. Fear of losing control. Fear of being examined. Fear of being judged. Fear of being told to change habits they already know are not helping. Fear of discovering that a symptom they have ignored for months should have been dealt with sooner.

So, the mind plays a trick.

It says that not knowing is safer than knowing.

Of course, the opposite is usually true.

Seeing a doctor does not make a problem real. It simply gives it a name, a context and a plan. Sometimes that plan is reassurance. Sometimes it is a blood test, an examination, a scan, a prescription, a lifestyle change or a referral.

The earlier that conversation happens, the more options a man usually has.

There are practical barriers too. Many men are busy. Some find the GP system difficult to navigate. Some are uncomfortable describing symptoms over the phone. Some do not know whether their concern is worth an appointment. Others assume that health services are only for emergencies or serious illness.

But general practice is not just there for crisis. At its best, it helps with prevention, risk assessment and informed choices. It is also there for uncertainty, for the grey zone between feeling fine and being seriously unwell, and for the symptom that is probably nothing but might be something.

The question is not, “Is this bad enough to see a doctor?”

A better question is, “Would I advise someone I love to get this checked?”

Most men are far kinder and more sensible when they answer that question for someone else.

Of course, prevention matters. It is better to reduce risk early than to wait until illness has already arrived. But men do not need lectures about perfection. We need honest, practical conversations about what can be changed, what is worth checking and what small decisions might protect our future health.

Men often present late with problems that could have been discussed earlier. Blood pressure can be high for years without causing symptoms. Type 2 diabetes can develop quietly. Heart disease can build silently. Prostate symptoms may be ignored out of embarrassment. Mental health problems can be hidden behind irritability, alcohol, overwork or withdrawal. Erectile problems may be treated as a private failure, when they can sometimes be an early signal of cardiovascular risk.

The body often whispers before it shouts.

A mature approach to men’s health is not about panic. It is not about turning every ache into a medical emergency. It is about paying attention. It is about knowing the difference between watchful waiting and avoidance. It is about understanding that strength includes the ability to be vulnerable and to act early.

Understanding how we are shaped, programmed, driven and pressured by society can help those of us born XY to change the way we treat ourselves and those around us.

We can learn to be kinder to ourselves. We can learn to listen earlier. We can learn that health is not something to think about only when it has already started to fail.

If you are a man who has been putting something off, start simply.

Write down the symptom. When did it begin? Is it getting better, worse or staying the same? What are you worried it might be? What would you like help with?

Bring that note to the appointment.

You do not need to perform. You do not need to minimise. You do not need to apologise.

A good consultation is not a test of masculinity. It is a practical conversation.

The aim is not to live forever. None of us will. The aim is to live with more years of strength, clarity, independence and usefulness. That means taking the body seriously before it forces the issue.

For many men, the most important health decision is not a dramatic one.

It is making the appointment they have been avoiding.

That may be the first step towards a longer, stronger and healthier life.

Dr Mick (June 2026)

These blogs are written for general information and reflection. They are not a substitute for personal medical advice. If you are worried about a symptom, please contact your own GP or appropriate health professional.